back to normal

tiskivuoren selättäminen ja ärsyttävien leivänmurusten imuroiminen vaati tahtoa laittoman paljon, mutta kun ne alkaa ärsyttää tarpeeks paljon niin johan on huippufiilis! sain ryhmänohjaajalta vapaapäivän erinäisistä syistä ja sen aikana unohdin kyllä kaikki kouluhuolet. vietin päivän katsomalla Avatarta (anime, ei se sci-fi -leffa). äiti käski hakea jonkun sisustustaulun Vammalan kukkakaupasta, joten sinne piti lähtee, mutta sainpas haukattua happea edes vähän. Tuomas heitti, joten päästiin samaa matkaa. mokoma jätti itsekkin menemättä kouluun. johtuuko se siitä, että mä toimin ns. emokanana tässä suhteessa ja saan herran menemään kouluun, jos itse menen? enää ei oo niin huono ja ahdistunu olo kun eilen oli ja nyt hyvin levänneenä voin mennä hyvilläkin mielin kouluun. Nanna raukka on siellä koittanu selviytyä koulupäivästä ilman mua... 

I finally did my dishes and vacuumed the annoying crumbs on the floor but it needed a lot of will. after I had finished this cleaning up thing, I felt awesome. My teacher gave me a day off for special reasons and I spent it watching Avatar - the last airbender. mom told me to get one picture from the neighboring town and that was almost the only time I got some fresh air. I got a lift from my boyfriend so we went together. I'm not feeling as bad as I felt yesterday. I rested well and tomorrow I'm going to school on a good mood. hope my friend coped with the school day without me. 

siinä päivän fiilikset. huomenna katsoon lentopallopeliä :)

there were the feelings of the day. tomorrow to see a volleyball tournament :)

-jensku-

feeling weak. how long?

I want to tell you something.

I feel totally powerless and I can't help it. I have lost my joy of life but that doesn't mean I'm about to kill myself. Just want to talk the feeling out.

I was wondering if this feeling comes from higher power. My Father wants to tell me I'm nothing without him. I feel weak, so weak. I haven't lost my faith, only the way of life He wants me to live like. I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'll wait till Wednesday. Stress and worry have surrounded me and I can't get out without my Father. Please, be nice and pray for me. Close your eyes and just think of me. That's enough.

Last night I cried. I cried for my lost of joy, the true joy that only comes from God. Where did that lovely joyful girl go who I used to be? Where did the trust go? The love? I feel meaningless without the joy. I got nothing to be happy about if I don't have that amazing feeling.

Being powerless means you have no energy to do things. Even the dishes are hard to take care of. I have a boyfriend but I'm not sure if he understands. My allergy has taken the charge. And besides being lost in faith it's my weakness too. 

After over 10 years of being allergic to food ingredients it made me fragile. I wanted so hard to be normal girl who could eat everything she wanted. No. Once I even didn't get a birthday invite because that girl didn't know what I was allowed to eat. I have no hard feelings for that but it's a great example. During the times pass, I denied my allergy. I told myself I was healthy again but for nothing. Now, school and my family troubles have brought the allergy back even worse. Every time I stress something, it appears on my face. That annoys me. I want to feel pretty but I can't if that awful feeling doesn't go away. This is the way God is guiding me. Don't know the purpose but I'm sure about it. 

Sorry for this sad text. I wanted to talk to someone.

Blog never stops listening.

-jensku-

Oh my cheese - voihan juusto

 johan on ollu viikko. valehtelematta mulla on ollu tähän asti koko viikon joku kylässä. en valita. kieltämättä on mielenkiintosta, miten nää ihmiset päätyy aina mun tykö, jopa sellaset joita näkee semi harvoin tai muutenkin viettää liian vähän aikaa. taitaa olla se oman luukun vaikutus...

oh my cheese what a week. not complaining. to be honest, I've had someone at my place every single day of this week till now. the very interesting part here is how these people end up in my apartment, even those who I don't see so often or I just haven't spend time with so much lately. maybe it's the influence of an own apartment...

serkut, hyvät ystävät, "siskot", eno, poikaystävä. kaikki yhdessä eikä mitään ongelmaa. mulla oli hauskaa ja kuten kuvasta näkyy, oli mun vieraillanikin.

cousins, good friends, "sisters", uncle, boyfriend. all together and no problem. I had a great time and as you can see, my guests had too.

playin the doctor Who -game

pleasing your cousins is the most hard thing in the world.
the challenge is if they accept the people you are introducing.

anteeks tää kakka laatu - sorry the awful quality here

loppujen lopuks aina jotain unohtuu. serkku unohti sukkansa.

in the end every time something passes out of mind. my cousin forgot her socks.

tänään tulee 2kk täyteen poikaystävän kanssa. respectit mun kestämisestä tähän asti <3 

loma loppuu ja koulu kuumottaa. outch! 

holiday is ending and the school is creeping me out!

jensku

after a huge break; tulipas pitkä tauko

täytyy nyt kyllä myöntää olleeni laiskahkon puoleinen kirjottaja.. työssäoppimisen aikana ei ollut aikaa postailla ja vieläkin on Brittien vaihdon ajalta leiripostaus tekemättä, mutta kunhan taas saan tästä arjen käyntiin, niin kyllähän se sieltä tulee :)

okay, now I have to admit me being lazy so far with this writing.. during my working term I didn't have time to post here and still I'm having that UK exchange camp -post on progress but now I focus to get this posting on track and maybe the camp post will come out one day :)

kaikkee on ehtiny tapahtua kesän jälkeen ja ajattelin valaista syitä postausten hetkelliseen loppumiseen. olin siis työssäoppimassa Loimaalla yhdessä sisustusliikkeessä ja viihdyin oikein hyvin. itse koulu alko vasta 30.9. että ollaan tässä jo pari viikkoa koulussakin istuttu. heti ku tulin UK:sta takasin Suomeen, oli äiti haeskellu mulle kämppää ja nyt oon sitten asunu kohta jo pari kuukautta tässä omassa huushollissa! super exited!

well, a lot has happened after summer so I'm about to tell you some reasons for my momentary not-posting. I had a term at school when I have to search a place where I can work 8 weeks the profession I am studying now, which is interior designing. I worked in a little decorating boutique and it was really nice. my proper school started on 30th of September so I've been sitting in a proper school for a while. right after my come back from UK mom had found me an own apartment and now I've been living on my own for a couple of months! super exited!

onnistuin myös jotenkin saamaan itselleni uuden poikaystävän, joten kaiken kaikkiaan asiat on reilassa :)

I was also being lucky, 'cause during my moving in I somehow got myself a boyfriend so altogether everything is perfect :)

photos of my apartment comes after (when IKEA sends me my covers for the sofa), I just wanted you to know I haven't quit with this posting here ;)

it's autumn here

with all love

jensku